Mostly Bollogs, I'm afraid

But occasionally, a glimmer of truth.
If you find one, please let me know.

Tuesday, 22 October 2013



Know C, C++ C# for Windoze and embedded C for Microchip Micros (incl dsPICs and PIC32s), SQL, shit like that?

Know your way round an oscilloscope, Eagle CAD (6 layer stuff), basic electronics (nothing scary), bit of maths like simple algebra and basic calculus?

Want a job in Nottingham, permanent or contract?

Trans folk, poofs, women, wogs, muslims etc all welcome. English is the first language.

No lefties or others who think the world owes them a living. No bullshitters, you will be found out in minutes. No agents.

£30 p/h to start rising rapidly (or you get sacked) depending on performance.

Ping @realPengy if you want more info.

Monday, 7 October 2013


I don't tell stuff like this. But I'm going to.

I were brought up to have some morals. No idea what. Mainly to do with not getting involved with hard drugs, such as LSD, which was a bit shit TBH. Shagging one's sister was frowned upon, that kind of thing.

When I were a lad pooves were fair game. We'd call them pooves. As you do. I still do. I don't like the word "homosexual" much.

I don't have a problem with pooves. Many folk who are my friends, and pooves, will attest to that.

But, in a Max Bygraves stylee, I want to tell you a story.

I was 17. I worked in Woolies (the shop), part time. One of the managers (and in those days it was like being a supervisor in Maccie D's) said we should go out for a drink.

So we went out for a drink. He was a bit older than me. Probably 40. Good-looking chap. We went to a pub and I said I'd have a cider. He got me a big fuckoff Bloody Mary. Must have had ten vodkas in it.

Anyway, I was 17, as I have just said (listening?) and he was significantly older, like 40 (listening?).

So, he then started the stuff that you'd expect from someone who was 40 when you're 17, and I was a good boy and was sick all over the seat of his car, which I then stole, and broke the diff box off, and he became angry. I then puked all over him, as well, and luckily at that point the landlord came out of the pub that I'd managed to "park" the car in, and called the police.

There is nothing wrong with consenting sex between two adults.

17 year old boys do not fall into the latter category.

That's what I think.

Wind in thy neck.

Sunday, 6 October 2013


It appears that I am a twat. This has not come as news to me; however, it appears that someone (in fact a couple of someones) have thought I was referring to them when I mentioned recently an old denizen of Twitter, one Lord Credo.

I wasn't referring to them. Lord Credo, real name forgotten in the mists of time, billed himself on Twitter as "a government comms guy" in the Tory thingy, so it can't have been that long ago. He was a likeable fellow; I thought so anyway.

He was a con artist. I met him once or twice in Olde London Town, where he would regale his fans with stories of derring-do, and give them snippets of insight into the government. Or not, as he was actually an unemployed con man.

He never had any money on him. So he never bought a round. This, I thought, was pretty clever. He also never worked for the government. He also never had any snippets of information.

If he'd stuck with taking the complete piss out of the kind of people who like to hang around the famous and important (which I would hate to do), he'd have been a bit of a hero.

Unfortunately, he didn't stop there. He conned his way into one lady's affections, and another lady's wallet, which makes him a cunt.

Shame. He'd have been up there with Ponzi, Bernie Madoff and 100 Nigerians if he'd stuck to what he was good at. Heroes all, playing on people's greed and stupidity. What's not to like about that?

Anyway, for the record. The penguin offers its sincerest apologies to anyone who was properly hurt by the Credo. Truly sorry. If either of his real victims would like me to tweet their name and that it wasn't directed at them in any way, please do so. I wouldn't mention them by name otherwise. I like both of them.

*Continues to laugh like a drain at those wannabee hangers-on who thought he was the fame and fortune they were looking for. Bwahaha..*