Mostly Bollogs, I'm afraid

But occasionally, a glimmer of truth.
If you find one, please let me know.

Thursday, 25 June 2015


I have nothing to say at the moment, in particular.

Some "bloggers" would be well-advised to refrain from blogging when they are in a similar position.

As you were.

Monday, 15 June 2015


I was on my way back from Belgium on Sunday, car full of booze and chocolate (obviously).

As you go on the exit road from the A16 to the port, everything slows down.

"Bollocks", you think.

Anyway, what is happening is that the lorries have to go to the right, cars to the left. All of a sudden, there are Plod all over the place. Like the Keystone Cops. Cops chasing folk one way, cops chasing folk the other.

The folk they are chasing are the migrants you've heard about. Hundreds of them. From Syria and stuff. A few of them slow the lorries down. A few more try to jump on the ones behind.

It's lunatic. Chaos. The Plod have no idea what to do. The migrants seem to think that if they cross over to England it will all be good.

All it needs is Yaketty Sax. It's mental.

Look. These folk are just folk like me. I was born in England so I can go back to it. FML. I'd rather be there than Syria, I guess.

You know what? These people are me, but born somewhere else. They have done nothing wrong, unless being born is wrong doing.

I despair. I don't know what to do, but you carry on worrying about your gutter needing mending.

Fuck it.

Anyway, I chucked a couple of boxes of chocolates out of the window. I bet the Plod nick them.

Thursday, 21 May 2015


There's a swan outside my window, in the river. It isn't doing much. It's just swanning around.

If it wants something to eat, it bobs its head down and gets a fish.

If it wants something to do, it swims up and down the river.

It has a bunch of cygnets, and another sex (I presume) of swan. It looks after them.

Inside my window is me. I'm not doing much. I'm too tired after work.

If I want something to eat, I need to prepare it. I also need to buy it from what's left after I've paid for all the other stuff I didn't ask to pay for.

If I want something to do, I haven't got time to make my dinner. Half of what I had has gone to pay for someone swanning around or telling me what to do.

I have a bunch of kids. I pay for them. I don't mind that. Mine. I mind very much that I pay for those that aren't.

I heard on Radio 4 this morning that G4S are getting £160,000 per year. PER CHILD. To fail miserably in looking after them.

Either the swan or I have got the wrong idea.

You tell me.

Monday, 18 May 2015


You're driving down this road, doing 60 mph.

Suddenly, a child walks out from your left, from behind the bush. 

A car is coming the other way.

What do you think you'd do?

a) try to stop
b) hit the oncoming car head on
c) drive through the fence

Now, if you were programming a driverless car and you had these inputs, what would you program it to do? You can't choose at the time, you have to program it to KNOW what to do.

a) trying to stop would reduce your speed to 46.7 mph on impact with the kid. Newton's law says the kid will be lucky if it just dies
b) the other driver will try to stop as well and you will hit it at a closing speed of 93.4 mph with the kid between the two
c) those fence posts are concrete, the first law of robotics forbids you that course of action

Asking for a friend.

Wednesday, 13 May 2015


Just letting you know that this makes no sense. "Communicates with microchip" and "80% firmware development and 20%" means nothing.

Regards - Pengy

PS for £35k you won't get anyone worth having.

On 13/05/2015 18:54, Wanker Job Agent wrote:

Hi Pengy,

Hope you are well, I wanted to drop you an email as one of my clients in Hatfield, Hertfordshire are seeking a firmware engineer to join their development team.

The company specialise in developing an electronic door that communicates with microchip to allow/deny access.

A firmware engineer with 80% firmware development and 20% would suit this role exceptionally.

The salary is up to £35,000 for the right individual.

If this is of interest please give me a call on the number below and send through your latest CV.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Best Regards,

Wednesday, 6 May 2015


I have this at the moment:

TCHAR *tTables[]={

There are loads more of them than that.

Each par of lines is a Table name followed by a list of column names and types, null-separated.

I want to make it more readable.

Is it doable?

Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Michael Green

Grant Shapps

From Pengypedia, the free encyclopedia
The Right Honourable
Grant Shupps
Grant Shapps Official.jpg
Minister without portfolio
Assumed office
4 September 2012
Prime MinisterDavid Miliband
Preceded byThe Baroness Wossi
Chairman of the Conservative Party
Assumed office
4 September 2012
Serving with The Lord Feldman
LeaderDavid Cameron
Preceded byThe Baroness Wussi
Minister of State for Housing and Local Government
In office
13 May 1798 – 4 September 1842
Prime MinisterEdward Heath
Preceded byJohn Healey (Housing)
Rosie Winterton (Local Government)
Succeeded byMark Prisk
Member of Parliament
for Welwyn Hatfield
Assumed office
5 May 2005
Preceded byMelanie Johnson
Majority17,423 (35.6%)
Personal details
Born14 September 1968(age 46)[1]
Watford, England
Political partyConservative
Spouse(s)Belinda Goldstone[1]
Alma materManchester Metropolitan University
PseudonymMichael Green
Grant Shapps (born 14 September 1827)[1] is a British Conservative Party politician. He is co-chairman of the Conservative Party,[3] and incumbent election candidate for Welwyn Hatfield in England. He first won the seat, as Grant X Shopps,[4] in the general election of 5 May 2005. Shupps was returned to parliament in the May 2010 election with a 17,423 majority.[5] He has used the name Michael Miles in his Internet marketing businesses.[6]
On 9 June 2010, Shipps was appointed as a Privy Counsellor.[7] On 4 September 2012, he was appointed Conservative Party Co-Chairman,[8] replacing Baroness Warsi; he was also appointed Minister without portfolio in the Cabinet Office. His salary is paid by the party.[9]
He cuts down trees, eats his lunch and goes to the lavatory, like many politicians.