Mostly Bollogs, I'm afraid

But occasionally, a glimmer of truth.
If you find one, please let me know.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014


So, you get up at 5. Every fucking day. You go and do a job, which you happen to like.

You get quite a lot of money.

Nearly all of it goes. Nearly all of it. You pay it to the HMRC, or the ex, and no fucker deserves it. It doesn't pay for anything useful. It is robbed off you.

Once I though the kids would get the house. The ex goes to the fucking gym, looking like a twat, for what reason I have no idea. The kids sit around the house doing fuck all, watching telly, pissing about on the iPhone thingies.

I can't get any sense out of any of them.

Fuck this. It's pointless.

Pointless. Fuck this.


Nick Clegg, bloke who wanted power, who batted off Cameron and Brown those years ago, and sided with the one who wanted it more.

Nigel Farage, ornery bloke who likes beer and fags. Is an EU MP.

Neither do anything for me.

They had a debate. I think Nick is a bigger cunt.

Tomorrow, I will wake up at 5 a.m., so I can go to work, and most of what I get will be taken off me by the ex, the government, the EU. So they can spunk it on the feckless, the wasters.

In the evening, I will come back and tweet, then go to bed early, then do the same again. And again.

Which one of them won the debate?

I know not. I care not. I feel like dumping the ex, the kids, telling everyone to fuck off, and being actually quite well off, which I should be, earning what I do.

You know what? I don't give a fuck what you think. Not a flying fuck. Fuck it.


Here we go. Another example of what happens when you employ children and offshore IT.

EE offer a package on PAYG where you can buy a "pack". You text (e.g.) Smart25 (to buy a £25 pack) to 441.

They THEN tell you that in 30 days they will automatically take another £25 off you.

Being the crafty penguin that I am, I will NOT leave £25 credit there for them to take at the drop of a hat.

At the end of the 30 days, they text you to say that in 2 days they will take the £25. This is fine. I then forget to credit it with £25, so when they try to take it, they can't, and then they text you saying "we were unable to take the £25. Please top up and text Smart25 to 441".

So I credit it. And text Smart25 to 441.

I then get a message saying I can't do that (even though that's what they told me to do) because I already have one.

You can't ring them. They charge you to ring them.

So, instead, I write this on my blog. Then I post it all over Twitter and wait until they look really, really stupid.

Hello, EE. Any comments?

Tuesday, 1 April 2014


She's not here to date but she's willing to chat, so I'll try not to rib her or act like a twat.

I'm crap at photography - all comes out grey - and my taste in music would ruin your day.

Fashion to me is like buffing a turd, but fun's where it's at, yes, folks, that's right, you heard.

So, she's not a fool, though it's April the first, have a happy one Sally ...

OK. I did my worst.

Happy birthday @sallyinsussex

Monday, 31 March 2014


Who would you vote for? Take the easy quiz and I'll tell you.

1. You would like a big house, but you're pigshit thick.
2. You would like to redecorate your house, but you can't afford it.
3. You would like a house.
4. What is a house?


1) Labour.
2) Conservative.
3) Divorced.
4) LibDem.


A friend is someone who'd probably visit you in prison.

A real friend is someone who'd send you a cake in prison, with a file in it.

A true friend is someone who'd prop himself up on that bunk and say to you "we really fucked up there, didn't we?"


Help me out.

Some time ago, I was born. I'm guessing (as it was a while ago) it's because my parents had sex, or something.

I am told that my taxes are due.


I have had the shiteist education in the world, from the state, and fuckall else. It seems to me that DUE means that I pull myself together, get up at 5 a.m., go 75 miles at about 90% tax on diesel, earn what I can screw out of someone, and that taxes are DUE.

I have googled "DUE". It says nothing like why I need to pay anything into a huge slushpot so it can go to administration of the NHS, paying for suits to strut about, talking shit, and fund the sort of arsebuckets who get on Jeremy Kyle.

Help me. I'm going postal.