Mostly Bollogs, I'm afraid

But occasionally, a glimmer of truth.
If you find one, please let me know.

Thursday, 9 April 2015


I recently moved to O2 because T-Mobile, who I was with, were bought by EE so nobody got a signal anywhere.

I now get a signal. Sometimes.

I understand that not everyone can have a signal everywhere, I have no problem with that.

I have a problem with this:

I have PAYG. I put £10 on it. Because it was £10 they converted it to a "bundle" where I get x minutes, y texts, and z Mb of internet.

I now have no credit, because it was "converted" into a "bundle" without me asking.


Please leave a comment. I think this should be illegal, if it isn't. And I'm now stabby.

Wednesday, 8 April 2015

LivePerson Chat Transcript
Please find your requested transcript below.
If you have any further questions please don't hesitate to chat with us.

General Info
Chat start time  Apr 8, 2015 4:15:16 AM EST
Chat end time  Apr 8, 2015 5:04:09 AM EST
Duration (actual chatting time)  00:48:53
Operator  Sarwar

Chat Transcript
info: Welcome to O2. Someone will be with you soon.
info: You're through to 'Sarwar'
Sarwar: Hi I'm Sarwar. How can I help?
Pengy: I asked for my old number 07932****** to be transferred to this phone a week ago. It hasn't.
Sarwar: I am sorry for the trouble caused.
Sarwar: I'll check and help you with that.
Sarwar: Pengy, just to confirm have you requested  number to be transferred on O2 pay and Go?
Pengy: Yes
Sarwar: 07932*******
Sarwar: Thanks
Pengy: yes
Sarwar: Please help me with your Temporary Pay and go number?
Pengy: 07999******
Sarwar: Pengy, have you send the request from our website or it was send on the live chat?
Pengy: From the website. They said it would be done last Thursday morning. Then when I asked, they said Thursday evening. Then said it was delayed because of Bank Holiday an would be Monday.
Pengy: Now it's Wednesday and it hasn't been done.
Sarwar: Please help me with security details
Sarwar: Can you tell me the current call time balance, last Top-up date, amount and method of the Pay and Go number07999******?
Sarwar: Please dial *#10# to check the current credit balance and confirm.
Pengy: £10 top up last week by voucher, it was converted to a bundle so should have a balance of £0.00 now.
Sarwar: Thanks for the information.
Pengy: *#10# says "Unknown Error"
Sarwar: Pengy, I am sorry , we have not received any request for the SIM swap for this number Sarwar: Pengy, If you wish I can request for the number transfer, it will be processed with in 1 working day
Pengy: Yes you have. THey checked it when I asked on Thursday and said it was going through.
Sarwar: Pengy, I am sorry, If we have received any request, it is processed in 1 working day
Sarwar: I am sorry for the trouble caused
Sarwar: Pengy, I'll request for the number transfer it will be processed in 1 working day
Sarwar: Please help me with  PAC code?
Pengy: The PAC code is at work though, and I'm not in today.
Sarwar: Pengy, I am sorry, without the PAC code we will not be able to send the request
Pengy: You've HAD the PAC code. I confirmed it last Thursday.
Sarwar: Please help me with your email address?
Pengy: Pengy@***.***.**
Sarwar: Please allow me  a moment.
Pengy: I've asked my boss to send me the PAC code but I don't know if he will find it on my desk very quickly
Sarwar: Pengy, I've checked the online request was declined due to as security check was not passed. Sarwar: Please allow me a mo0ment If I can fine the PAC code
Pengy: Nobody asked me for anything like that.
Sarwar: Moment
Sarwar: Thanks for waiting.
Sarwar: I got the PAC code : ONE****** from the details you have submitted online
Pengy: That's the one.
Sarwar: Please help me with your full name to send the request?
Sarwar: Is this the correct full name : Pengy ****** ?
Pengy: Yes
Sarwar: Thanks
Sarwar: just to confirm you want to keep your number 07932****** on the new SIM card 07999****** on pay and Go,am I correct?
Sarwar: I haven't heard from you for a while.  Are you still there?
Pengy: Yes
Pengy: Yes, that's what I want
Sarwar: Thanks for the information.
Pengy: I presume I'll keep my £10 bundle too
Sarwar: Pengy, I've send the request it will get transferred with in 1 working day
Pengy: Sure?
Sarwar: yes, you will keep the Big bundle tariff with your keep number on the pay and Go SIM card
Sarwar: Pengy,be assured , I've sorted that for you
Sarwar: I am sorry for the inconvenience caused
Pengy: They sai that on Thursday, and again on Friday. WHat was the security check that failed?
Sarwar: You need to enter  some security details of pay and go number , while submitting the request , that is the reason it was declined
Sarwar: No need to worry, i've sorted that for you
Sarwar: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Pengy: I'd like to know whhat the security check that failed was. I filled in everything asked for.
Sarwar: Please allow me a moment to check  that for you.
Sarwar: Thanks for waiting.
Sarwar: Pengy, I can see the security options were missing in the online request you have send that is the reason it was declined.
Pengy: But nobody told me it had been declined. WHat were the missing details?
Sarwar: Pengy, security details of your Pay and go number were missing in the form you have submitted online
Pengy: What details?
Sarwar: Pengy, there are some security details you need to fill while sending the request online, it may be 2 frequently dialed numbers, credit balance, Top up date and amount, .
Pengy: So if they are wrong then you don't process it or tell me that you won't?
Sarwar: I can see that was the reason request was declined online
Sarwar: I've now send the request as everything is fine
Sarwar: It will be processed with in 1 working day
Pengy: Can you GURANTEE it will go though in 24 hours?
Sarwar: I am sorry for the wrong information given to you in the last chat
Sarwar: Pengy, the maximum time for the Port in request is 1 working day.
Pengy: OK, thanks.
Sarwar: You're most Welcome.
Sarwar: Thanks for your time, Pengy
Sarwar: Have a lovely day
Sarwar: Take care
Sarwar: Goodbye
Sarwar: If you need to chat with us again, just click on this link: Make sure you save it, we’re always happy to help

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Old joke, new twist

Listening to the news ...

A teacher asked her class of youngsters what their Daddy did for a living. No takers. So the teacher singled out young Johnny.

"What does your Daddy do, Johnny?" she asked.

"Well, Miss, he's a rent boy, and if the money's right he takes it up the arse."

"Is that TRUE, Johnny?" probed the teacher.

"Well no, Miss. He's a High Court Judge but I was too embarrassed to say."

Substitute Police Chief, Liberal Politician, etc. for High Court Judge. If the cap fits ...

Wednesday, 4 March 2015


There is a land called Saudi Arabia. I've never been there, nor do I ever want to. It's full of Arabs.

It is ruled by a King, or as I like to call him, a cunt, who relies on a thousands of years old religion to keep the idiots (citizens) under control.

They flogged Raif Badawi, one of their citizens, who is now due another 950 of 1000 lashes. He had 50 but they didn't heal up, so "doctors" said he couldn't have any more yet.

So a "judge", or as I like to call him, a cunt, will decide he can be an apostate (which is someone who was a Muslim because he was 0 years old when born and didn't have a choice and grew up, oh bollocks) and therefore instead of having more lashes can have his head chopped off.

Now this is my take on this, and mine alone. The King of fucking Saudi can suck my cock. Muhammed can suck my cock. Allah can suck my fucking cock, because there is NO sense in this.

Until Raif Badawi can fuck off out of Saudi, with all the other poor sods who were born there through no fault of their own, I will rant my face off.

Tell someone. Someone might be the someone who tells someone who matters.

Thank you



Wednesday, 18 February 2015


I visited Sachsenhausen when I was in Berlin, on the recommendation of a couple of Twits.

Sachsenhausen, for those who don't know, is a bit like Auschwitz, in that it was a concentration camp, in WWII. It means Saxon's Houses. No idea what significance that has, presumably to do with Saxony.

It's near Berlin, in Oranienburg. Nice village.

It's a piece of almost derelict field now, with stones where the barracks (living quarters) used to be. It housed the folk that the Nazis (as opposed to Germans) felt were for one reason or other "inferior". These people were actually people who they had a problem with. Dissenters, religious folk, disabled folk. Anyone who wan't blond-haired and blue-eyed and fit. No idea how Hitler escaped it, TBH.

It left me cold. I know the enormity of the crimes committed there. There was a chap who was short-arsed, with a stoop, who was in the Waffen-SS, a commander. He came in with a stick and randomly beat people. Jews. Communists. Christians. All those kind of bastards. They randomly killed folk. Humans. For no real reason. 200,000 of them, apparently.

Problem is, this was done in the name of a state. The Third Reich. Nazis.

I've lived through skinheads. Same thing. They used to kick the fuck out of "Pakis" because of the same mentality back in the day.

I've seen museums in a weird country, known as the United Kingdom, where not very long ago at all a "magistrate" (the equivalent of the SS) would condemn a bloke for stealing a chicken, because bloke was hungry and had no alternative but to starve. Now it gets gory. Stop reading if you are of a nervous disposition.

The magistrate would sentence a man to gaol. Gaol meant being placed at the disposal of a chap in the pay of the state, a gaoler. The gaoler, or cunt as I like to call him, would be responsible for putting the accused, or victim, into a dungeon, which was a cell underground, with nothing in it apart from rats, through a hole in the floor. But in case he tried to escape, he had his arms tied behind his back first. And was let down by a rope. By kicking him through the hole. This, of course, would dislocate his shoulders. If it didn't, they'd do it again, with weights tied to his feet. And if that didn't work, they'd add more weights, and do it again until it did.

I'm not making this up. A few years before that, the rulers of this fair country would cut the nads off a bloke for interfering with the economy. Or chop their wife's head off if she didn't give him a son. Lovely.

Nowadays, all we have in the UK is the persecution of people who the state demonises, such as those who would like to hang on to a little of their money rather than give it to the state to give to, say, India, to, say, send a rocket into space. If you don't believe even that, try taking the piss out of HMRC and going to their paramilitary wing in Worthing for an "interview".

The problem is largely moved away from these shores, to places in the Middle East, where they routinely stone, behead, cross-amputate (don't look that one up because you won't sleep) folk for not agreeing with their bizarre philosophies. I've seen pubs destroyed by nail bombs, and picked up the severed limbs of the revellers inside. Because Ireland is God's own Country, and Gerry Adams is now an MP. Cunt.

I've spoken at length to a chap, a "squaddie" if you will, who was wrongly accused of rape, and acquitted. whose life was destroyed by the glorious state. Whose eyes were sunken, whose life was wrecked. Who will never be the same again. He won't get that back.

I know folk who have served in the armed forces, mainly because they were too thick to do owt else, who are well and truly fucked through PTSD. I have a friend on Twitter who has been demoralised beyond belief for doing her job against the odds and been effectively fired for being beaten into a pulp, spiritually and emotionally.

I haven't been to war. If I had, I'd probably be bent out of shape properly by now. I might even think that Marine "A" wasn't a complete bastard. Which he is.

So, the concentration camp. Yes, it happened. Yes, there were very many people. But it still happens. People are still in Guantanemo.

You know what makes me cry? That we haven't learned a thing, not a fucking thing, from this. Nor will we, ever.


Now go to Wiki and look up Stockholm Syndrome, and weep.

Tuesday, 17 February 2015


I have been in Berlin.

One thing I noticed is that you can't pay with a card, not even a debit card, for anything much. Like a train ticket. A bus ticket. A meal, even if it costs in excess of 100 Euros.

I assume this is because the Germans are all good people and pay all their tax.

The other thing I noticed is that German cuisine is the worst in the known universe. I LIKE pork, but the Germans insist on converting it into spam and deep frying it to eat with pickled cabbage.

Anyway, they have a new favourite dish. Like we have chicken tikka massala. Theirs is called currywurst, literally translated as curried sausage. I thought I'd share with you a recipe for this delicacy so you can share the experience.


1 inner tube from a 24" bicycle.
1 pig.
Some pink dye, such as congealed beetle's blood.
Sharwood's "instant" curry mix.


Take all the inedible parts from the pig. Mince them so finely that they cannot be identified as being from the animal, even with the most advanced forensic laboratory equipment. Soak them in the pink dye for a week. Leave out in the sun for a day to dry a bit.

Stuff the inner tube with the resulting mixture, tightly. Bake it in the oven for two days.

Sprinkle it with the curry mix.

Wrap the dish in several layers of polythene. Bin bags or old carrier bags are ideal.

Open the dustbin and carefully place inside.

Apologise to your friends and go to the kebab shop.


Tuesday, 27 January 2015


Holocaust Day.

This is what I understand of history from reading stuff and seeing it happen again.

Hitler was a Fuhrer (which means "guide" in German) and wanted to take over the world because some people like that kind of thing.

At the time, Germany was in deep doodoo financially, to the point that people were having to buy wheelbarrows to take their pay home, the Deutschmark being worth less than the paper it was printed on. And the wheelbarrow was worth more than the pay.

When this happens, folk turn to anyone who can offer a "better" solution to their problems than the people currently offering a solution.

But, in order to unify the people, a Fuhrer had to find someone to blame. In America it was the black folk, otherwise known as N......s.

Hitler didn't have access to enough black folk on which to blame the country's ills. He could've gone for folk with moustaches, chaps who wore hats, gay folk, actors, drummers or bus drivers, but again, they didn't number enough to really take the blame.

Poland is a big country. And it's next door to Germany, and pretty easy to invade as well. And it was full of, guess what, Jews!

And Jews tended to run banks, and were well-known (and have been throughout history) for being money men. And the problem was money. So, clever old Hitler twisted the plot a bit, convinced all the folk that the Jews were the problem, got "elected", then realised that he'd pointed the finger and now people expected him to act,

I don't think Hitler could've believed that the Jews were the problem. But he was a convincing bastard, and I suspect his Generals did. And they all went Heil Hitler, mein Fuhrer, and got stuck in.

After that I think it just got out of hand.

That's how I see it. This isn't fact, I'm not a historian. Nor am I anti-semitic. It's your nose, not mine. Wear it with pride.