Mostly Bollogs, I'm afraid

But occasionally, a glimmer of truth.
If you find one, please let me know.

Wednesday, 11 November 2015


Hi Pengy,

I hope all is well with yourself?

I have just received a fresh new job on my desk for a C++ Programmer/Developer in Leicester.

My client are looking for someone with at least 2 years commercial experience in Software Development and are looking to hire straight away.

·         Minimum of 2 years’ development experience in industry/commercial experience
·         Experience of developing User Interfaces (UI), Apps, etc.
·         Strong knowledge and understanding of C++ (MS Visual studio)
·         Computer Science, Software Engineering or similar degree

·         Experience with DirectX and Direct3D (extremely desirable)
·         Android development experience
·         Developing in an Agile environment
·         Development experience with other languages e.g. Java, C#, PHP, HTML5, Delphi, SQL, CSS and JavaScript etc.

If you are at all interested in this position, please do reach out to me by replying to this email or please call me on 01217961888.

If this role isn’t right for you, do you know anyone who may fit it?

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind Regards,

Tuesday, 10 November 2015


Here is my corned beef hash recipe, which is the closest yet to what I remember from a pub in Surbiton many years ago.

Serves: whatever.

Ingredients (numbers in brackets are what I had)

  • Spuds (3 white meduim)
  • Onions (1 large)
  • Green Peppers (1 largish)
  • Corned Beef (1 tin, large)
  • Baked Beans (1 tin, large)

  • Hack up the spuds so they're about ½" cubes
  • Boil them for not very long so they're still tough
  • Don't take the skins off
  • Heat the oven to Gas Mark 4 or look up what that is on the internet if you don't have gas
  • Chop up the onions and peppers
  • Open the corned beef. They've hidden the bit you put the key in under the paper and siliconed the key to the lid to stop people nicking it.
  • Drink a cider
  • Pour the beans into an oven dish thing
  • Cut the corned beef into cubes like the spud was
  • Drain the spud and leave it hanging around
  • Find the cheddar in the fridge
  • Cut all the mould off it (all 6 sides)
  • Wash knife thoroughly
  • Cook the onions and peppers in the same saucepan with a bit of veg oil
  • Have a cider
  • When you smell the onions they're ready
  • Add the spuds
  • Stir
  • Add the corned beef
  • Stir
  • Have cider
  • Tip that stuff onto the beans
  • Grate cheese on
  • Have cider
  • Have cider
  • Have cider
  • Take out of oven
  • Nom

Thursday, 5 November 2015


A cautionary tale.

When I were a lad, we made fireworks ourselves.

We used sodium chlorate (weedkiller, tell the bloke in the shop it's for your dad's allotment) mixed with sugar and shoved it in cardboard tubes, put a bit of paper in the end and lit it.

My mate Chris and I were putting them in the old air-raid shelters at school for laughs and he got caught, and I didn't.

He got sent home for four weeks which was a bit unfair.

Anyway, Chris decided to go one better, what with all that free time. He put his in copper pipe. He was hammering the end over, holding the tube in a vice in the shed.

His neighbour saw that the shed roof had come off and went round to see what was going on. Seeing that it was a bit of a mess, he wrapped a teatowel round my mate's hand and called an ambulance.

I visited Chris in hospital. He was short of an eye and four fingers on one hand.

I don't make my own any more. I strongly suggest you don't either.

Love, Pengy.

Thursday, 15 October 2015

Monday, 28 September 2015

Short storey

It is the year 3015. The banks collapsed nearly a hundred years ago when everyone withdrew their money to buy petrol cars, as governments put up the tax on diesel fuel by 14,000% in a knee-jerk reaction to a man-made global warming scare when VW revealed that their engines were producing compounds which could harm laboratory mice. The money was not there to withdraw.

The propaganda machine failed to stem the flood of customers, social media took over, and the result was that the bankers and their puppets, the politicians, were impaled on spikes on the railings of the Palace of Westminster.

Anyhow, that is history.

People still need places to live. Bricks have become hugely expensive. And history, repeating itself, ensured that the savings that needed to be made, were made. The high vaulted ceilings of 1815 gave way in 2015 to the commonplace seven foot ceiling of the modern house.

Today, those ceilings have become a mere six feet.

Friday, 18 September 2015


I have two Muslims at work. They might be Moslems. I have no idea how they spell it.

One is Egyptian. His name is Amro. He doesn't walk like an Egyptian.

One is a Nigerian Asian. His name is Iqbal. He was born in Portsmouth and speaks cockney and another language when he's on the phone to his mum.

Iqbal is a Sunni. I have no idea what Amro is.

If you ask them about Islam they will happily tell you. About their festivals such as Eid and Ramadan. About fasting and stuff. Iqbal is dying for a bacon sarni but mustn't eat them because someone says he mustn't. I bet he has a sneaky one in the motorway services sometimes.

Amro is going to Medina today He says "it is where our prophet died." Notice he didn't say "where YOUR prophet died." He doesn't expect me to be a Muslim. I don't expect him to be a penguin.

These people are like me, in that they eat, sleep, work, say "oi oi saveloy" in the morning instead of grunting "morning" like it's some sort of punishment.

These people are not terrorists. They are nice people. They get the hump like I do sometimes but then that's understandable because the boss is a wanker.

Please don't think Muslims are all terrorists.

Maybe go out of your way to find one or two and ask them about their Islam. They won't come knocking at your door with a copy of the Watchtower or ask you to sit down for four days while they tell you about the Saviour. They might actually be quite interesting, you know?

You might be surprised.

Thanks for reading.

Thursday, 25 June 2015


I have nothing to say at the moment, in particular.

Some "bloggers" would be well-advised to refrain from blogging when they are in a similar position.

As you were.