RaceOnline2012, aka some bird who cobbled up a website for cheap late holidays, now the god of the internet and all things digital, advising H M Government (don't get me started) on why it is a basic human right to have the internets?
Have I got it about right?
In "my" office, the airconditioned shed I cling on to while I offer some sort of service to this sack of shit that struggles to maintain health and safety as a religion whilst decimating the share price on a daily basis, I have access to broadband. This mainly because I conned them years ago into having it, unpoliced, so the people in the ivory towers can see what's going on. I can therefore throw porn into the ether at a guaranteed 8 million bits a second, yay!
In my "home", the non-airconditioned shed in which I eat and sleep, I don't have broadband. I don't have a telephone. I can't have a telephone. I have an iPhone, which slowly gleans information from the ether and pops it up onto my screen, so I can wang away with my thumbs and give my opinion on things that I think matter. That's why I like Twitter, when it works. I also have a huge laptop thing which I use as a DVD player, so I don't need a TV licence, and so I can't watch the H M Government Propaganda Channel even if I want to. And, trust me, I don't. I have bought a dongle which I attach to this laptop via a long cable, and put onto the roof of the shed inside an upturned saucepan, which will get me something like 48 thousand bits per second on a good and clear night. That's means I can also be a Twit there, using all of my fingers.
Sometimes I can access blogs. I can access mine, because I haven't filled it full of pictures and videos. I can't access some that I would sometimes like to access, although with the dongle there's a cunning thing that skips most of the pictures, so that's nice. I can't watch youtube videos, so please stop posting links to them unless they're obviously links to videos, eh?
I had my iPhone bought for me, by a customer, to do a job on. I paid for my dongle. I can have access by the day, week, month. My choice.
The government CAN'T give me broadband, even if I want it, which I don't. And I don't want to pay for anyone else's, thanks.
There are three reasons why anyone would need broadband. There is NO need for it for email.
These three reasons are:
- to surf porn
- to research things for work or school
- to bring down a government
Obviously, the first one is very important. The second is even more so, but then there's access at work or school already.
And, thanks to Twitter, I can make my small contribution to the third, possible the most important, at 48kbps quite nicely, thanks.
Bye, Ms Martha Lane Fox. Get a proper job..