You will need
½lb minced beef
1 tin tomatoes
1 tin kidney beans
a little oil
a big coat
First, take the minced beef. It's easier in the pre-packed section, and comes double-sealed so you can slide it into a side-pocket.
Chillies and peppers are to be found in the fresh vegetable section. The chillies fit neatly in a back pocket of your jeans. Peppers are more of a problem so don't take more than you need. If you have a hat then a couple of peppers should fit neatly underneath - a "Blues Brothers" style pork-pie hat is ideal.
Check the price of the tomatoes and kidney beans. The tomatoes should be cheaper, so put them in the basket, and the kidney beans under the coat. It may help to tighten your belt around them so that they don't fall out when passing the checkout.
If you have no oil at home, then simply borrow a small cupful from a neighbour or your local police station.
Cook the ingredients and serve.