Currywurst

I have been in Berlin.

One thing I noticed is that you can't pay with a card, not even a debit card, for anything much. Like a train ticket. A bus ticket. A meal, even if it costs in excess of 100 Euros.

I assume this is because the Germans are all good people and pay all their tax.

The other thing I noticed is that German cuisine is the worst in the known universe. I LIKE pork, but the Germans insist on converting it into spam and deep frying it to eat with pickled cabbage.

Anyway, they have a new favourite dish. Like we have chicken tikka massala. Theirs is called currywurst, literally translated as curried sausage. I thought I'd share with you a recipe for this delicacy so you can share the experience.

Ingredients:

1 inner tube from a 24" bicycle.
1 pig.
Some pink dye, such as congealed beetle's blood.
Sharwood's "instant" curry mix.

Method:

Take all the inedible parts from the pig. Mince them so finely that they cannot be identified as being from the animal, even with the most advanced forensic laboratory equipment. Soak them in the pink dye for a week. Leave out in the sun for a day to dry a bit.

Stuff the inner tube with the resulting mixture, tightly. Bake it in the oven for two days.

Sprinkle it with the curry mix.

Wrap the dish in several layers of polythene. Bin bags or old carrier bags are ideal.

Open the dustbin and carefully place inside.

Apologise to your friends and go to the kebab shop.

Enjoy!