England

Teacher is asking the class what their fathers do for a living, as it was Father's Day yesterday.

It's Johnny's turn.

"My dad's a rent boy in a gay bar. He dances on a pole, sucks off the punters and sometimes, if the money's right, he takes it up the arse."

Teacher is dumbfounded, takes Johnny to one side.

"Johnny, is that really true about your dad?"

"No, miss. I made it up. He plays football for England but I was too embarrassed to say."