Twat

I have a marvellous idea for the government to make loads of cash without affecting the vast majority of people.

It is like a tax, but it's voluntary. And it's very progressive.

It also closes a loophole.

Don't tell them, they'll love this.

These facts are all made up, but were true last time I knew. I haven't bothered to research them since.

The DVLA, those fine upstanding wastes of space body of men who police Vehicle Excise Duty, sell "cherished" number plates. This means that they basically reserve any combination of numbers and letters on which they can make a bit of extra cash. In the olden days it was all numbers between 1 and 100. Now it is various combinations which can spell a word or a name. B16 XXX is a fine example. It's meant to look like BIG.

They charge £250 each for you to to have these. Fair enough. Your choice.

If they increased the charge to £1000 I reckon they'd make four times as much. If you're stupid enough to pay £250 to have a plate on your car that the Plod will easily remember, then you're stupid enough to pay a grand.

The loophole? I know someone who has bought a crap moped. He's put a really neat plate on it (I won't say what). When he dies, his nephew will inherit the moped, value £20. The tax on the plate, worth about £25,000, won't attract inheritance duty or anything. Sneaky? Yup.

And for those who really can't afford the extra £750 to show that you're cool, trendy and special? Simply get some paint, a brush and a stencil. Write "I am a twat" across your boot and bonnet. Same effect.

Simples.