Mostly Bollogs, I'm afraid

But occasionally, a glimmer of truth.
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Friday, 24 February 2012

Frolly

Agile. Scrum.

Correct me if I'm fucking wrong here.

I have dumped a turdload of jobs because they want Agile and Scrum. Particularly banks.

It doesn't fucking exist, does it?

It's a methodology (which is the wrong fucking word anyway because they mean method, or way) whereby you split a fucking job up into smaller jobs, isn't it? That's ALL it fucking is. And a fucking poster for your fucking WALL. Isn't it?

It's the way anyone who isn't a complete cunt has ALWAYS fucking worked, given a name by a beardy cunt, isn't it?

Tell me I'm right.

Also bring me the head of said beardy cunt because I want to do untold beardy cunty things TO the said beardy cunt. I have my own tools.

Ta.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're right! Maybe we could have a daily scrum later?

I don't want to have a stand up meeting. Why the fuck can't I sit down? What fucking difference does standing up make.

I've got a new name for a daily scrum - a chat.

Fuckwits

Henry Crun said...

Agile is just management speak for "making it up as we go along"

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Anonymous said...

Have ceo's not fucking learned anything since 1999. Agile, scrum and other bollocks is the smoke, mirrors and emperors new clothes all rolled into one big pile of soon to found out shite.

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David Sinfield said...

Nothing wrong with build it at you go. Read Scott Bain. It lets you sort out the hard technical issues right up front.

I'm just starting a project that is ideal for emergent design as, until they see some results, the customer has no idea what is possible or feasible.

And the last project with them has overrun by 3 months because of unexpected technical hitches in 3rd party software.

So the bosses got me in to run it as Agile.

List of things they want me to do:

Produce BRD
Produce FRS
Produce HLD
Produce DD

I'm thinking they haven't got the idea really.

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