Dear Rachael

May I call you Jon?

I only ask because that's your name. You may call me Pengy, or Paul, for that is mine.

I don't normally respond to people personally, for I am busy, earning money to fund myself, my family and you.

But you posted this, and said "admit it, you know someone like this."

https://twitter.com/Rachael_Swindon/status/917995384458416128

I'm not any sort of wing. I will admit to understanding what a weapons-grade crock of irredeemable carnage any kind of socialism causes in any country within only a few years, so I guess you could say I err on the side of sensibility. I think you would call me right-wing, though I'm not.

I'm not any sort of class. I work. I am not management. My dad went hungry so we didn't.

I am not disabled or anything. I expect I will be one day.

Let me talk about the points you mention in your very clever graphic. I've corrected the punctuation where appropriate.

• "Thinks singing the National Anthem should be compulsory"
  I think it's a dirge. It suggests that some beardy skyfairy should look after the unelected head of state and leader of the Church. I like the Queen (this one, and the one led by Freddie) and I think she does a great job. She costs me 20p a year and has a nice hat.
• Votes to destroy the NHS despite the fact his entire family depends on it"
  The NHS is a brilliant idea. It is fabulous when you pop into the doctors with your head hanging off, and they stitch it back on. If it could be stripped of 796 layers of sponging management it would be quite efficient. Aneurin would be spinning in his grave if he could see the level of piss to which it is subjected. My mum was a nurse. Both my sisters were nurses. My daughter is a nurse who had to study at night to get a degree under the Mr Tony Blair (Labour) government just to keep her job as sister in a NHS hospital. She is very good at that job. I love her to bits.
• Thinks he's a patriot but votes for the party that is asset-stripping the country.
  A patriot is someone who thinks or some godforsaken reason that the country in which he was born is somehow sacrosanct, whose Army and other "forces" are somehow "heroes" by default, and who will, at all costs, back it up even when it arserapes him for money and power. That isn't me either, although I know very many women who would be quite happy to land a squaddie/fireman because they think that wielding a gun/hose and a fancy uniform will make him automatically a wonderful lover. Tell me more about these assets, like the gold that Gordon Brown (Labour) sold for tenpence on the dollar.
• Thinks the human rights act is political correctness gone mad.
  The human rights act is a UK law. It lets you defend your rights in UK courts and compels public organisations (including the Government, police and local councils) to treat everyone equally, with fairness, dignity and respect. That's it. Show me a government (any one) that treats people thus. Or a policeman. Or a council. It is far from political correctness, it is politicians' carte blanche to do what they like to you, because it says virtually nothing.
• Thinks "mass uncontrolled immigration" is a Labour Policy.
  Any EU National is allowed into the UK to work, study or live freely under the EU EEA directive of 2006, when Tony Blair (Labour) was Prime Minister. Any other bastard is allowed in providing they have got themselves an EU passport and can swim.
• Obsessed with crime but votes for the party that cut 20,000 police officers
  I don't really have time to describe the case of Paul Chambers, or any of the other myriad "criminals" who have been brought to "justice" by the Police Officers we have left, when they are not publicising their rainbow-coloured Pridemobiles. Police officers arrest people. I was one (a police officer and someone arrested) so I know. I understand that the Labour Party would bring in 72% of the population at a cost to the taxpayer of £3 year each but I personally don't think this is realistically viable.
• Likes to think he's affected by Labour's proposed tax on £80K a year
  I am not, sadly. My MD is. Were it not for my MD, I would not have work. I respect the job he does, which is a very responsible one. I do not believe he has all day to dick about on Twitter and call himself Rachael when his name is Jon, but feel free to correct me if you can find out.
• Froths at the mouth with rage when people protest against the Government
  I agree with this. I think all of them should be strung up by the knackers with piano wire. Please make this happen. But, at the same time, please don't think that any protest (using the same techniques) should not be brought against the frothing hate-filled bastards who are now in opposition, if they ever get to power.
• Actually thinks Hitler was a socialist.
  In times of deep economic crisis and instability, rising uncontrolled inflation, and huge unemployment, there is no alternative to socialism. People will vote for it, as long as the proponent is a competent speaker and will promise them unicorn farts, delivered to their door, and a big lake. This is why they voted for Hitler. Hitler was not actually a socialist, he was a cunt. But if he'd said "vote for me, for I am a cunt" he would not have been so successful. So, instead, and cunningly, he said he was a socialist. I have to leave the ball in your court, lovely Rachael (sorry, Jon) on this one.
• Thinks poor people are "taking the piss" if they own a widescreen TV.
  The problem with this last point is that poor people are welcome to own a widescreen TV. I don't have one. The only piss there is to be taken if I, as a poor person, am paying for a TV for them, of whatever wideness.

As ever, thank you for reading. Please tell Jon.