This is what I'd do if I was PM for one day.
Barroso, von Rompuy: Sod off. That's it. No, no discussion. Bye.
Banks: the value of your gambling can go down as well as up. Live with it. Ditto investors, shareholders.
Income tax. Bye.
Petrol will be three quid a gallon and will fund everything. Get stuck in.
We drive on the left, we speak English, we do not do war. OK? Good.
Those who lent the country money under previous misguided regimes: Whoops.
Entrepreneurs: start a healthcare scheme, please, also bin emptying services, recycling, anything you like. Also, car parking is free. Sorry, NCP. Find another way. Maybe wash the cars.
There is no council tax, for there is no council. Bye.
Nurses, teachers, other useful types: the entrepreneurs will look after you.
See what happens, eh?
If you're skint you'll be fed.
Farmers. Grow what you like. You know more about it than I do.
Gays: you can marry who you like, where you like. It's nothing to do with me. Wear a fucking dress if you want.
Any more questions?