I've just been to my local. I don't go there much now, but as it's warm I thought I'd pop in.
Nobody I know was there. I had a pint and a fag outside.
The table next to me was occupied by a man and his woman.
The rest is bizarre.
Him: "What are you looking at?"
Me: *drinks cider*
Me "Eh? Me?"
Him: "What are you looking at?""
Me: *thinks* here we bloody well go. "Er, I'm not sure I get your meaning."
Him: "I'm trying to have a quiet drink with my wife."
Him: "So what are you looking at?"
Me: "Don't, Really, don't."
Him: "I don't like you."
Me: "You've been watching the scene from Star Wars, haven't you?" *grins*
Him: "What's your problem?"
Me: "Oh dear. Oh fucking dear. Look, it's hot, I've been at work all day, I'm sure you have too. We all feel angry in the sun, don't we? But hold on, you started this, fuckface, and I'm not in the cunting mood, so if you'd just like to let me finish my drink in peace, that'll be lovely. Alternatively, we can do it here, if you like, because I'm hot, I'm knackered, and I have a fucking death wish. Choice is yours. I don't give a shit. But if you're trying to impress the bird, you've lost already, and I'm pretty sure she'd be up for it anyway cos she ain't all that. Your turn."
Him: "Fuck off."
Me: "Fuck off yourself."
And THAT, my friends, was that. What is WRONG with people?