DONKEYS ARE ALIENS

It has been proved conclusively that donkeys are an alien life-form, sent to earth on a reconnaissance mission by a civilisation on Alpha Centauri, an asteroid in Orion's Belt.

They breathe sulphur dioxide and emit gold hydrocyanate (Au2CnO4), which is the only known amalgam of gold, and that from which all the gold on earth originates.

This was revealed today in a report which also claims that Labour's lead in the elections had risen to 74%, with the Liberals at 34% and the Tories at 21%.

In other news, the FTSE dropped .23 of a point to 5260.54, sales of haggis were up on last year, police have arrested Derby fans after trouble at a match, and Dr van Ypersele said that he couldn't understand why "one mistake in a ... report can damage the credibility of the whole report"

I can.

Can you?