The Kid's New Clothes

Apparently, according to the Bee Bee Sea, there are still some kids in NuLab's Britain who actually can't afford a winter coat.

That is very, very sad. I mean that. I propose to do something.

I have a lovely winter coat, which I seldom wear; it came from a charity shop and cost me £20 plus a bottle of wine for the kind lady who replaced the pockets for me.

I looked up this coat on t'internut, and it is a fine coat, a city coat, with a proper designer label, and cost just shy of £600 new. And it's in pristine condition, apart from the pockets which are made out of old hankies and have daisies on them, but you never see them.

I hardly ever wear it, but it really is a super coat. Really warm, heavy, wouldn't look out of place in one of these swanky restaurants or a gentleman's club.

I don't really deserve a coat like that, but I've got one. I'm lucky.

My kids have coats. The kids are girls, so they are pinkish coats, sort of like ski jackets (there is probably a name for them but I haven't a clue what it is). They are warm and showerproof too, and they look sweet in them.

If I had the choice of buying my kids coats or paying money to the government in order for them to wage war on countries that have oil, or to give it to themselves, or to host the olympics, or to throw at the banks, rest assured (listen, kids) that my girls will be warm when they go to school, and I don't give a bollocks whether they try to send me down for looking after my own.

I hate to think that there really are people who honestly have to make the decision whether to feed the kids or heat the house or buy a winter coat. So, here is my offer,

The first genuinely hard-up person who has a kid and can't afford a coat because they have been dealt a hard hand gets a coat. It will probably come from a charity shop, but it will be a nice, warm coat. No strings attached, except possibly those ones that you put through the sleeves so the kid doesn't lose his gloves.

People who can't be arsed to get a job, spend their money on booze, fags, electronic games, computers, televisions and associated licences, prepacked or takeaway food etc need not apply. I can offer a selection of recipes though, that I use myself, which will feed a family of four for a quid and taste a darn sight better than anything you can buy in a microwave pack. Sadly they involve an activity called "cooking" and another called "washing up", but it's worth it. I also have quite a lot of books which I have read, to which people are welcome - instead of the telly, you hold them in front of you, open the pages, and read them. Quite entertaining.

Roll up, roll up.

[I think I see the point of this post, but then again I may have lost the plot]