Clash

I understand the Titans were clashing last night. I didn't watch it. One reason I didn't watch it is that I haven't got a telly. Another is that the pub doesn't have one either. Other reasons I didn't watch it include the fact that I am completely disinterested in what any of them have to say, I don't much like the look of at least two of them, they were inevitably going to spout the party line, and they are all as predictable as the nighttime being dark.

So, am I qualified to comment on their performance?

Yes, I am. Because I could do better. I could single-handedly clear up the deficit in four years, whilst keeping all real services running at least as well as they do now.

I think any of them could, too. And if they had proper bollocks instead of the shrivelly things they do have, they would do that.

"How, Marv?" I hear a few of you cry.

"Easy," I say.

All you need to do is to stop wasting the vast amounts we waste, say by cutting all the handouts for being pregnant, having a kid etc, get rid of the stupid tax credits and make it so if you're a lazy, thick (either or both) cunt you get paid accordingly. Decimate the top tiers of the civil service, let them get a job if they can - if they can't, then they are clearly unemployable. Negotiate with the silly sods who lent you all this deficit in the first place and tell them, as I would tell a creditor, that they will be lucky to get ten cents on the dollar, and if they don't like it they can whistle. Trust me, such an approach works. They won't lend you any more, but then you won't need it.

Simples. I'd vote for someone with a plan like that. I suspect some of you would, too.

So why don't they do it?

Same reason as I won't become the chancellor. The sponging, lazy and thick, together with the top tier, would not vote for it. And they vastly outnumber the honest, hard-working and useful.

QED