Mostly Bollogs, I'm afraid

But occasionally, a glimmer of truth.
If you find one, please let me know.

Wednesday, 9 June 2010


Tweeters and bloggers alike (of which I am one) sometimes fall foul of the vagaries of the English language. Some of the best tweeters and bloggers write English badly. I know I do. Mainly it is because I've got the raving hump at the time and can't be bothered to check what I spouted seconds before, so I just hit the SEND button with a big stick. What I will say, though, as someone who makes "AAAAAARGH" noises every time I see a pecadillo, is that us sticklers and pedants will assume that because you can't spell, you're thick But I know, instinctively, that you're not.

I can spell. I don't know why I can, I just can. I think it is because I used to read a lot as a kid, and still do.

There are rules for its, it's and such like. All over the internets, they are. And anyone who still can't work out the difference needs to be shot, as they're easy. Easy as pie. So easy I won't insult myself by trying to explain them. And if you can't be bothered to learn, then fuck you.

But if anyone wants to know the difference between their and there, and when they are appropriate, I have tried to explain, here, below. The internets don't seem to have mastered a good way. I probably won't either, but I'll give it a go. It's there. Down there. There you go. If you don't understand it, then "there, there". Poor baby.

[doesn't know what to write, has coffee, goes for fag]

[has blinding flash of inspiration, comes back, blogs]


THERE. If you can point at it, it's a thing. It can be THERE. Or it can be HERE. Or it can be HERE and THERE. They're spelt the same way, HERE and THERE. Easy Peasy, lemon ... oh shut it, Marv, you supercilious twat.

All right. THERE is a house, in New Orleans. THERE it is. HERE I am, in my house. I haven't really got a house, but had I one, I could be HERE. Or it could be over THERE. Or down THERE. Or under THERE. Or HERE. See?

Does it hurt? THERE, THERE. Nobody knows why people say that. But it's right. Just learn it.


THEIR means "belonging to THEM". There is an HEIR to the throne. He might be Prince Charlie, if HM The Queen ever decides to give it up. She owns the Throne. It belongs to her. But Charles is the HEIR. He will own it. Probably Camilla will have a piece too, so it will belong to both of them. It will be THEIR Throne. He is the HEIR.


Easiest one of the lot. The apostrophe thingy means there's something missing. And that something is a space and an A. THEY'RE means THEY ARE. If you can say THEY ARE then it's usually fine to put THEY'RE, unless you're (YOU ARE) writing something for the government. In that case you have to say THEY ARE. Usually it means THEY MIGHT or THEY ARE NOT. As in THEY AREN'T.

No get back to your twittering and blogging, and get it right. Or I'll make you write out 100 times:




Unknown said...

Got it Herr Marv. Why did you pick the easy ones? I'm (I am) no English major and hated school so it always comes to a complete surprise to me that I can spell, let alone write. Spelling though will not help me if I bugger up a sentance or paragraph thereby making either unintelligible (had to use a dictionary for that last word.)

Still, most of us could do with a master class every now and again as some things are just beyond me and other mortals.

For instance I cannot get my head around the word [sic].

Your cheque is in the post by the way for this lesson.

Uncle Marvo said...

As you were kind enough, Oh Yin, to post a comment on my sad little blog, it pains me to point out that "sentence" doesn't have an "a" in it.

However, I know that that was merely a slip of the finger.


"Sic" is a Latin word meaning "like that". I'l blog about it if you like. these Tory Libs aren't giving me anything to get humpy about!

Cate Munro said...

Awwwww Marv. You're such a talent! Surely wasted on here! FAnK'S 4 veR GraMmA leeshon'z

TT x

Unknown said...

Unfortunately Marv it was no slip of the finger. Sentence is one of these words I have to look up regularly to see if I've spelt it properly. It's the 'ance' versus 'ence' that is prevalent, like "sentence" and "instance" for example, both sound the same at the end in your head. Should have checked but rushed it, which is when most spelling mistakes are made, rushing.

I have a handy little freeware prog on my windows tray called Wordweb and it's free. You just highlight a word you are not sure about and click on the Wordweb icon and presto.

You write about anything you choose Marv, even on the word Sic, as you are always entertaining. In fact you are a blogging star.

Petr said...

Here, here (sic) as they say on teh interwebs - both to the blog and to TBY. But I fear you are on a loser with it's/its. It's not only prevalent in blogging, but now appears everywhere, including the MSM. I'm at the stage where I now just grit my teeth.

Cynarae said...

There was a house in New Orleans. :P

james monk said...

I owe you a bottle of port mu supercilious friend lol.

Mrs Rigby said...

@ Big Yin - use Firefox and their "British English Dictionary", it helps with typos and awkward spellings, but won't recognise syntax errors.

@ Marvo - Spelt = wheat! Spelled is pronounced spelt. :P

Good idea for a blog, what's next?

Uncle Marvo said...

Dear Mrs

I don't speak American, I speak English.

Spelt is correct.


In days of yore there was a difference between the past tense and past participle, but ... shall I go on, and on, and on ... ?

I still use them. I think I am now alone.

I spelt it correctly. I would also have spelled it correctly had I been using it as a particple.


Anonymous said...

peccadillo (peccavis) :P

When you've done with it's/its, have a go at affect/effect?

Longbow said...

Now i've really got an hedache, bless ya!