Sometimes I sort of quite enjoy being unique. I know everyone is, but I don't seem to "get" anything that's going on.
And I am not a good example of anything here, don't think I am. I am the proponent/victim/result of at least three failed marriages, and those are just the ones in which I've been a spouse.
But, this. I don't understand this. Dates.
When I were a lad we used to do stuff. We used to go to school, uni (not me cos I iz thick), pubs, clubs, whatevs. It was OK.
School was a bit shit cos the headmaster used to drive a pink MG and call the boys "little gnome", and he was pretty much a useless sack of shit. He's probably dead now, but his name was E.P.Dewar. The cunt. It was a mixed school so there were gurls. Most of them were cleverer than me (as were most boys) so they went to uni and stuff.
I won't say about Uni cos I didn't go.
Pubs were OK. You could smoke in them and they had jukeboxes and bar billiards and darts. Sometimes we streaked in the car park as well, until my mate Tim slid down the bonnet of my A35 on to the "Flying A" and separated his bollocks on it. Oof.
Clubs were many and varied. We had bands and that kind of thing which was nice. Mainly amateur bands, like Lindisfarne, Deep Purple, Genesis, The Stranglers. Couldn't hear a bloody thing anyone said.
We used to go to Winkworth Arboretum and jump in the lake and do barbecues and have picnics. And play tennis down the local courts. The magistrates used to get a bit upset about it but we didn't give a fuck.
We were mates. There were gurls and there were boys. There was me and Tim and Alistair and Mark and Nick and Dave. There was Maxine and Donna and Lesley and Debbie and Sally. There were various others who drifted in and out, and in and out. We did daft stuff. We went to the seaside now and again, hired a coach, got slung out of the pub, came home again. We had laughs. Never hurt anyone.
We knew each other for years, us lot. Some of the boys fell in love with some of the girls. That was eons ago. They are still together. That's nice.
Now, what seems to happen, and honestly, it didn't used to, not where I was brung up, is that people "date". They meet people of their sex of choice, specifically to see if they are going to be partners, when they know sod all about them. Which I think is a recipe for a load of bollocks.
Why do they do this? Someone tell this poor old Pengy?
Friday, 29 July 2011
Followers
One of us has the wrong idea about Twitter.
This "follower" thing. Piers Morgan has a million. I have around 500. I used to have more but then I got pissed off and deleted my account. That's quite fun, 'cos when you set another one up the screen goes blank. Cool.
Half of the Twits who follow me aren't real. I can't be arsed to delete them. I don't even know HOW to delete them. Half of the rest are weirdos, like me.
There is kerfuffle on Twitter today because apparently it's unfollowing people for fun. SNORK.
People who care about how many followers they've got are probably a bit sad. Actually, they're probably very sad. Amateur wannabee media whore sad. Ah well.
Here is a simple guide to how to get followed by me, in case you care.
Easy way: make sure your avi has a picture of decent Norks, or legs, and simply say hello.
Harder way: if you don't have to hand a set of Norks, or legs. Say something funny. Or clever. Or both.
How not to get followed, or to get unfollowed: simply talk about followers and virtually nothing else. Or ASK to be followed.
I don't look at #ff's. Only if they're funny or clever. Or have Norks in. Definitely NOT if they're from ffhelper or in a big list.
If someone RT's something from someone which makes me ROFL, PMSL or SNORK, I will probably follow the one who originally tweeted it, too.
Hope this helps. WHY anyone would want me following them I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.
This "follower" thing. Piers Morgan has a million. I have around 500. I used to have more but then I got pissed off and deleted my account. That's quite fun, 'cos when you set another one up the screen goes blank. Cool.
Half of the Twits who follow me aren't real. I can't be arsed to delete them. I don't even know HOW to delete them. Half of the rest are weirdos, like me.
There is kerfuffle on Twitter today because apparently it's unfollowing people for fun. SNORK.
People who care about how many followers they've got are probably a bit sad. Actually, they're probably very sad. Amateur wannabee media whore sad. Ah well.
Here is a simple guide to how to get followed by me, in case you care.
Easy way: make sure your avi has a picture of decent Norks, or legs, and simply say hello.
Harder way: if you don't have to hand a set of Norks, or legs. Say something funny. Or clever. Or both.
How not to get followed, or to get unfollowed: simply talk about followers and virtually nothing else. Or ASK to be followed.
I don't look at #ff's. Only if they're funny or clever. Or have Norks in. Definitely NOT if they're from ffhelper or in a big list.
If someone RT's something from someone which makes me ROFL, PMSL or SNORK, I will probably follow the one who originally tweeted it, too.
Hope this helps. WHY anyone would want me following them I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.
Thursday, 28 July 2011
Tribute
Ed Miliband, please hold my hand
And lead us to the promised land.
You lost the fight, I know not how
We've got the coalition now.
But now you've had you nose done up
And we know we've been sold a pup
It really is a piece of shit
There was no way of stopping it.
That Blair was such a polished turd
And Brown unpolished, so I've heard
And you're the guy to lead us by
Still waters, Ed, it's time to fly.
We want you sire, to bring the fire
Of Labour, this is our desire,
To win for us, to drive the bus
That Cameron is such a wuss.
Your brother's fucked, you did him in
The knife was in your very kin.
We want you now to be in front
Yes, even though you're such a cunt.
That Blair was such a polished turd
And Brown unpolished, so I've heard
And you're the guy to lead us by
Still waters, Ed, it's time to fly.
And lead us to the promised land.
You lost the fight, I know not how
We've got the coalition now.
But now you've had you nose done up
And we know we've been sold a pup
It really is a piece of shit
There was no way of stopping it.
That Blair was such a polished turd
And Brown unpolished, so I've heard
And you're the guy to lead us by
Still waters, Ed, it's time to fly.
We want you sire, to bring the fire
Of Labour, this is our desire,
To win for us, to drive the bus
That Cameron is such a wuss.
Your brother's fucked, you did him in
The knife was in your very kin.
We want you now to be in front
Yes, even though you're such a cunt.
That Blair was such a polished turd
And Brown unpolished, so I've heard
And you're the guy to lead us by
Still waters, Ed, it's time to fly.
Wednesday, 27 July 2011
EU
Brilliant.
Apparently, the EU has some sort of undefined, unlimited power to restrict criticism in the general interest of the communities
Which is a bit of a shame, because I was going to mention that it's a huge financial drain, a failed experiment in trying to emulate the USA but with dozens of different languages, currencies, unelected Presidents, unaudited accounts, and I hope it crashes and burns.
But I can't now.
SNORK
Apparently, the EU has some sort of undefined, unlimited power to restrict criticism in the general interest of the communities
Which is a bit of a shame, because I was going to mention that it's a huge financial drain, a failed experiment in trying to emulate the USA but with dozens of different languages, currencies, unelected Presidents, unaudited accounts, and I hope it crashes and burns.
But I can't now.
SNORK
Tacks
I would like to pay more tax, please.
Not for long, just a couple of years, to sort some shit out.
This is how I would like it to be.
I would like to see a detailed job description, a statement of work done, hours worked and expenses and salary paid for every civil servant. I would like to decide which, if any, I would like to keep, then get rid of the rest.
I would then like to see a statement of what the country owes, and to whom, and under what terms, and would like to tell rather a lot of them to shove it up their collective bottoms. The rest I would like to renegotiate, and I would not give a bollocks about what that did to our wonderful credit rating, as we would not then need to borrow any more.
I would then like to use the extra tax to pay off the ones that really did need paying off, if any.
Then I would like to leave it like that. And if anyone in government ever ran up a bill again, I would like them to be put up against a wall and shot.
I would like to pay more tax, like that, please.
Thanks.
Not for long, just a couple of years, to sort some shit out.
This is how I would like it to be.
I would like to see a detailed job description, a statement of work done, hours worked and expenses and salary paid for every civil servant. I would like to decide which, if any, I would like to keep, then get rid of the rest.
I would then like to see a statement of what the country owes, and to whom, and under what terms, and would like to tell rather a lot of them to shove it up their collective bottoms. The rest I would like to renegotiate, and I would not give a bollocks about what that did to our wonderful credit rating, as we would not then need to borrow any more.
I would then like to use the extra tax to pay off the ones that really did need paying off, if any.
Then I would like to leave it like that. And if anyone in government ever ran up a bill again, I would like them to be put up against a wall and shot.
I would like to pay more tax, like that, please.
Thanks.
Globalisation
I'm only posting this so you can call me a racist.
I work in Northamptonshire. It's pretty much the home of the boot and shoe industry of England. Or it was.
We have a footie club, called Rushden and Diamonds. It was in the Conference League and I believe is now in a division. Or something.
It's owned, pretty much, by Griggs. Griggs make Doc Marten's. Favoured by the skinheads of the 70's, and workmen the world over. It employed 3000 people. They made stuff.
Griggs still make DMs. But not here. Not in England. They're made in the Far East now. And they're shit. No, really, they're shit. And cheaper. We used to get "seconds" from the factory shop at R&D's ground. They were mint. Now the ones in the shop are worse than the seconds, and the seconds are two pairs for a fiver and worth every penny of a pound.
Griggs are richer.
This places is a shithole filled with unemployed people, right next door to Corby which is also full of unemployed people, but with Scots accents even though they've never been north of the Watford Gap services.
That's good. Isn't it?
So I'm a racist.
Also I don't care about the starving people of China. Or whatever.
I *do* know, for a fact, that now these DMs get made by poor sods on a bowl of rice a day, while some fat cunt, who is now a brown or yellow person instead of a pink person, gets richer and richer.
So call me a racist.
Go on.
Either that or come up with some equally ridiculous lefty bollocks about the world being one big melting pot.
Or come and see me one Saturday night, and I'll show you what a shithole you can turn a place into, in the name of greed.
Bring a kevlar jacket and a weapon of some sort. Book early to avoid disappointment.
I work in Northamptonshire. It's pretty much the home of the boot and shoe industry of England. Or it was.
We have a footie club, called Rushden and Diamonds. It was in the Conference League and I believe is now in a division. Or something.
It's owned, pretty much, by Griggs. Griggs make Doc Marten's. Favoured by the skinheads of the 70's, and workmen the world over. It employed 3000 people. They made stuff.
Griggs still make DMs. But not here. Not in England. They're made in the Far East now. And they're shit. No, really, they're shit. And cheaper. We used to get "seconds" from the factory shop at R&D's ground. They were mint. Now the ones in the shop are worse than the seconds, and the seconds are two pairs for a fiver and worth every penny of a pound.
Griggs are richer.
This places is a shithole filled with unemployed people, right next door to Corby which is also full of unemployed people, but with Scots accents even though they've never been north of the Watford Gap services.
That's good. Isn't it?
So I'm a racist.
Also I don't care about the starving people of China. Or whatever.
I *do* know, for a fact, that now these DMs get made by poor sods on a bowl of rice a day, while some fat cunt, who is now a brown or yellow person instead of a pink person, gets richer and richer.
So call me a racist.
Go on.
Either that or come up with some equally ridiculous lefty bollocks about the world being one big melting pot.
Or come and see me one Saturday night, and I'll show you what a shithole you can turn a place into, in the name of greed.
Bring a kevlar jacket and a weapon of some sort. Book early to avoid disappointment.
Monday, 25 July 2011
More
None of you buggers argued with my democracy thingy. Down there. Maybe. Or here http://tiomarvo.blogspot.com/2011/07/democracy.html
I assume, therefore, you didn't read it, or that you agree with it, at least to some extent.
I am a simple person. Not thick. Simple. I believe in simple. I am an engineer of sorts. Engineering, that's mechanical, software, biomedical, you name it, is simple. It's logic. It's where a thing has to work. It will work. It works if you do it right. If you do it wrong, it doesn't work. It kills people and it goes bang.
Politics is simple too. It is messy if it isn't right. It's taught by people who've never done it, using theories unproven, in schools and universities around the world, to people who want to be nobs. And talk bollocks. Hope you're with me so far.
So. England. Where I live. We have democracy.
Apparently we have democracy. We ARE a democracy. And we aren't getting democracy. Sounds a bit daft, but that's the way I see this.
Still with me? Hope so.
Then, this:
We are offered a democracy, which we aren't getting. And to which we are entitled. Therefore, in simple, logical steps, we should have the democracy to which we are entitled. And as we are not getting it delivered, we should take it.
Now, I'm not saying Norway or any shit like that, because that is just deplorable, nutjobby. murderous cock.
I'm thinking just a plain, easy, straightforward "er, hold on, what's all this bollocks, no, I'm not subscribing to this wool-pulling pomp and circumstance God Save The Queen (part-owned by the EU)" codswallop that we have now.
Anyone arguing yet?
Please tell.
I assume, therefore, you didn't read it, or that you agree with it, at least to some extent.
I am a simple person. Not thick. Simple. I believe in simple. I am an engineer of sorts. Engineering, that's mechanical, software, biomedical, you name it, is simple. It's logic. It's where a thing has to work. It will work. It works if you do it right. If you do it wrong, it doesn't work. It kills people and it goes bang.
Politics is simple too. It is messy if it isn't right. It's taught by people who've never done it, using theories unproven, in schools and universities around the world, to people who want to be nobs. And talk bollocks. Hope you're with me so far.
So. England. Where I live. We have democracy.
Apparently we have democracy. We ARE a democracy. And we aren't getting democracy. Sounds a bit daft, but that's the way I see this.
Still with me? Hope so.
Then, this:
We are offered a democracy, which we aren't getting. And to which we are entitled. Therefore, in simple, logical steps, we should have the democracy to which we are entitled. And as we are not getting it delivered, we should take it.
Now, I'm not saying Norway or any shit like that, because that is just deplorable, nutjobby. murderous cock.
I'm thinking just a plain, easy, straightforward "er, hold on, what's all this bollocks, no, I'm not subscribing to this wool-pulling pomp and circumstance God Save The Queen (part-owned by the EU)" codswallop that we have now.
Anyone arguing yet?
Please tell.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)