Mostly Bollogs, I'm afraid

But occasionally, a glimmer of truth.
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Monday, 9 January 2012

Chilli con Carne

You will need

½lb minced beef
1 tin tomatoes
1 tin kidney beans
a little oil
a big coat

First, take the minced beef. It's easier in the pre-packed section, and comes double-sealed so you can slide it into a side-pocket.

Chillies and peppers are to be found in the fresh vegetable section. The chillies fit neatly in a back pocket of your jeans. Peppers are more of a problem so don't take more than you need. If you have a hat then a couple of peppers should fit neatly underneath - a "Blues Brothers" style pork-pie hat is ideal.

Check the price of the tomatoes and kidney beans. The tomatoes should be cheaper, so put them in the basket, and the kidney beans under the coat. It may help to tighten your belt around them so that they don't fall out when passing the checkout.

If you have no oil at home, then simply borrow a small cupful from a neighbour or your local police station.

Cook the ingredients and serve.


The Filthy Engineer said...

Why not put the tomatoes down the front of your trousers, thereby dispensing with the need for a basket?

Uncle Marvo said...

The security man will be suspicious if you don't buy anything.

Anonymous said...

When shopping scanning the aisles for cctv cameras is a useful observational exercise as it not only heightens your sense of sight but your hearing as well though there can be a delay if your olfactory organ doesn’t pick up on the scent of a security guards uniform approaching from your blind side but that is soon sorted when you become aware of an audible yell in your direction as soon as you recognise the smell of failure inside your trousers. Yet before you get to acknowledge the touchy feely sense of being collared your kinesthesioception sense will have been tested as most of us know this is the acceleration part of a healthy and balanced lifestyle associated with vigorous exercise just prior of course feeling the pain of anguish and the taste of your unreached potential.

mikebravo said...

All very well but you completely forgot the cheese and red wine.

Anonymous said...

You are missed. I will donate a case of kidney beans (but no kidneys) if you visit the TP soon. Dai has resurfaced. I'll work on Sunshine next. Sharky is off discovering new worlds for the week. I think it involves STELLA. I will repost this as an echo.