Mostly Bollogs, I'm afraid

But occasionally, a glimmer of truth.
If you find one, please let me know.

Thursday, 4 August 2011


I hate nasty things. I hate nasty films, even. Can't be doing with them. So why I visit torture chambers I have no idea.

This one was in England somewhere. Oop North. Can't remember. All torture chambers are pretty similar. This wasn't from all that long ago.

If you're like me you probably won't want to read any more. Don't.

There was a magistrates court next to the "prison". The accused went to the magistrates court if, for example, he stole a chicken. The magistrate sent him down if he didn't like the cut of his jib. No forensics.

There was this stone-floored shithole, with a hole in the floor to the cellar, about 20 feet down. But they didn't drop the convict down there, not just for stealing a chicken. Oh no. What they did was to tie his wrists together behind his back. Then pick him up, by the wrist-ropes, via a pulley in the ceiling. Then drop him. Halfway. If they didn't manage to dislocate his arms after a few goes of that, they tied a concrete weight to his feet and did it again. A few times.

Once they'd ripped his arms out of his sockets and dislocated his elbows and wrists, THEN they dropped him down the hole. Amazingly, some of them lived for months or years and were released.

The magistrates obviously went home and had a sumptuous meal and shag and stuff like that.

They were working for the state. The elected Parliament. Like we have now.

Yep, that was for stealing a chicken. I can't bring myself to relate what happened if they robbed the state. Or killed someone.

Personally, I'd rather be hanged. I really would.

But then, I'm not afraid of death.

1 comment:

John Pickworth said...

The good ol' days :-)

Thank goodness they don't allow that sort of thing any longer... although, if the The Sun has it's way, they might be allowed to tie a stout rope around some fella's neck and drop him down the hole like they used to.

Of course, they'll only do this for seriously bad people. And only after being judged by 12 peers*

Naturally, being all modern like and as a sop to the bleeding heart liberals, the chicken nickers might now be offered some nice ribbon rather than the tatty rope... maybe something sponsored by Bernard Mathews perhaps?

Speaking of sponsorship; why not televise the event on pay-per-view, although Sky might wish to swap out the rope for some bungie elastic and create a spin-off blooper show on Sky2

Nah, you know what? I think we're better off without all these medieval ways of killing people.

* Jury pool maybe reduced if members are still under contract to Syco Entertainment Inc