Mostly Bollogs, I'm afraid

But occasionally, a glimmer of truth.
If you find one, please let me know.

Wednesday, 31 March 2010


My friend, colleague and scary clown Obnoxio posted recently a clear view of the way forward regarding taxation.

Without permission, I reproduce some of it here, because that's what bloggers seem to do:

  • No tax is payable on the first £12,500 of individual earnings (including Citizens Income).
  • Individual tax is 20% above £12,500. No deductions, no expenses, no shit.
  • Corporation tax is 1% of income earned in the UK, no exemptions, no allowances, no deductible expenses, no fucking incentives, no shit.
  • National Insurance is 5% on employers, 5% on employees, also above £12,500.*
  • There are no personal tax credits. There is no dole. There is no income support.
  • Every UK citizen above 16 gets an income of £50 a week. Pensioners get an extra £50 a week per "family" i.e., single pensioners get a total of £100 a week, married pensioners get a total of £150 a week (until they've been rolled off the ponzi scheme, anyway - the state pension scheme will be closed to new entrants.)
  • The first child in a family gets the family an allowance of £50 a week until their 16th birthday, when the kid get the money. Subsequent children get fuck all until they are 16.

Sorry, scary clown. I nicked it.

It's quite good, although I see why these chancellors have such a problem. If I was the proper chancellor, I would have a spreadsheet which, when I put into it "20% tax on earnings above £12,500", would spit out a figure showing how much I pocket. I imagine it is quite a lot.

But I conducted an experiment yesterday. And then I asked some other people to conduct it, and I hope that with such a vast sample I can formulate some figures to back up my hypothesis.

Here is my experiment.

As you go through your daily life, take note of what is around you. What you like, what you don't like. Discard anything that is paid for by real people, such as the gardens you walk/cycle/drive past, the rivers, lakes, canals. Include anything that is paid for by the "state", such as roads, schools, hospitals.

Add up what the "state" funded stuff should cost. Not what it does cost, because that's a function of the inefficiency of this rotten government and their hare-brained schemes.

Add to this figure Obo's nominal £50-a-week incentive to get a job payment multiplied by the number of people who can't/won't/prefer not to get a job, plus the very generous pension options Obo suggests.

Now divide into that figure the number of people who have been lucky enough to get a job.

Take the total amount of money over £12,500 pp earned by the lucky jobful people. If this unholy amount of money isn't greater than the total amount required, then we really are in deep shit. However, it won't be. It will be far more. The percentage of the total amount sloshing around represented by the amount required will give you the real tax rate.

That's how much tax should be. Alternatively, abandon this silly idea of income tax and use things like road tax (VEL) to pay for it. Expect people with children to contribute to their education. Stuff the daft idea of everyone going to Uni to get a degree in some old bollocks that they didn't need one for before this band of idiots came to power.

There is the small matter of a huge loan left outstanding. I suggest that, as I was never a party to that loan, and probably nor were you, then we should put the onus on paying that back squarely on the shoulders of the idiots responsible for getting it in the first place. I will do the requisite negotiations, if necessary. It won't take long.

I would dearly love to get my hands on that spreadsheet. Anyone got a copy? Anyone prepared to help make one with the help of data which I believe is available freely from the ONS?

If so, I will make an app for everyone to use, on t'internets, where you can put in your own numbers and see if we can make any sense of what's happening. 

I promise.


John Pickworth said...

Here, there and everywhere, I bang on about the radical changes this country needs... and this is a perfect example of what's required.

Any party brave enough (clearly not the conservatives then?) to float an idea like this would be certain of a guaranteed win come election time.

Its not that taxation is wrong, most agree it is necessary, but what is obscene is the over complex and expensive methods of collection.

Fausty said...

Precisely, Uncle M.

In the US, Congress must agree to government spending. Here? The PM spends as much as he likes, with no oversight and no limits.

A perfect environment for tyranny.

Uncle Marvo said...

Bollocks. What do you have to say around here to get a decent argument? :-) << unnecessary smiley

John Pickworth said...

What do you have to say around here to get a decent argument?

Well, now you mention it. You could tell Blogger you're in the UK and not bloody Palo Alto or whatever they've set your blog time to?

Come on, sort it out... you're a laughing stock in the blogging community.


Uncle Marvo said...

You sussed me.

Uncle Marvo said...

Mia Culpa, je pense?

I have told Mr Blogger I'm in the UK. Mr Google didn't know though. I've told him too, now. See if this works ...

Uncle Marvo said...


Uncle Marvo said...

Aha, aha. I needed to tell Blogger when the post was posted, not when I did.

Wanker. I'm off to isacunt.

John Pickworth said...

Mmmm lets test this shall wii (see what I did there, I'm gonna start a craze, you'll see).

Posting comment - 1st April, 13:49 BST

John Pickworth said...

Wii did it chaps.

Uncle Marvo is in synchronous time with the rest of us. All hail Uncle Marvo.

Now, lets see if we can get him voting Labour next? I like this game ;-)

Uncle Marvo said...

You start.

I don't vote for parties. I vote for principles. Labour haven't got any. Although I'd vote for S. Bercow if I lived in Westminster. Often the Labour local councils are better.

But no, I won't be voting Brown. Or Manglebum. Or any of them, because frankly they are a steaming pile of incompetent, thieving, conniving, destructive self-deluded tosspots.

Right, you start.

John Pickworth said...

In the Blue corner (and lets be honest its a two horse race) Cameron is proposing a 5000 strong army of brown shirts - or community organisers as they're to be called. Hitler called his the "Gymnastic and Sports Division" but same thing really.

Essentially, a State directed bunch of busybodies funded from that £20 you left in an old Post Office Savings book. Funny when you think about it. Gordon's already had it away with the family silver, so Dave's having to look down the backs of our sofas. The spirit of Dick Turpin lives on no matter which party is in power.

But yeah, that single policy above is bang to the left of Brown. There's no way anyone can mistake that.

So how do you choose?

Where are the policies, that clear blue water we use to measure the distinctiveness of the opposing sides? Damned if I can see one now. Both Euro-phile, both happy to meddle in the markets, to tax, spend on pet social projects and generally impose more reams of nannying rules and regs.

However, I have detected one area in which they differ...

Dave prefers Photoshop. While Gordon is a Max Factor man. So there you have it. This election is all about make-up or photo touch-up. You choose.

PS. Stop knocking Mandelson: He's a dead cert for Foreign Secretary before Christmas, no matter which party wins - assuming the Tories don't have a clear majority, which they won't because we're all voting Labour right? ;-)

John Pickworth said...

By the way, I just did the thingie over at Vote Match

Very illuminating. Seems UKIP is my best match (62%), followed by the BNP (59%) and the Tories (49%)


You're in big trouble Dave.